60 questions to ask before moving in together

Rent is the easy part. The trickier questions sit around it: what counts as shared, who pays for the couch, and how you’ll bring it up when one of you overspends. Start here, because money touches every other section.

1. 1

   Are we splitting rent 50/50, or by what we each earn? What would make either option feel unfair to you?

   Neither one is more grown-up. The fair split is the one you both still like a year from now.

2. 2

   Which bills become shared, and which stay yours or mine? Think streaming, phones, the gym and takeout.

3. 3

   Do we want a joint account for shared costs, or will one of us pay and the other settle up each month?

4. 4

   Is there any debt, credit trouble or money stress I should know about before both our names go on a lease?

   Go first, and keep it kind. It’s a disclosure, not an interrogation.

5. 5

   Above what amount should either of us check in before buying something for the place?

6. 6

   How do we split groceries if one of us cooks more, eats more or shops fancier?

7. 7

   Who keeps track of the bills, and how will the other one know they’re paid?

8. 8

   What do you spend on without a second thought that I might think is a lot? And what’s mine?

9. 9

   Are we saving toward anything together, like a trip, a deposit or a cushion for emergencies?

10. 10

    How often do we want to sit down and look at shared money: once a month, or only when something feels off?

Nobody is really arguing about the dishes. It’s about feeling like the only one who notices them. Agree on what “clean” means now, while it’s still funny.

1. 11

   On a scale from “hotel lobby” to “lived-in,” how tidy do you like things day to day?

2. 12

   Which chores do you genuinely not mind, and which would you pay never to do again?

3. 13

   Should we split chores by task, take turns by week, or go by who’s home more?

4. 14

   How long can dishes sit in the sink before it bugs you: an hour, overnight, or until we’re out of forks?

5. 15

   When you say the bathroom is clean, what exactly has happened? Walk me through it.

6. 16

   Who notices we’re out of toilet paper, and how do we keep that from becoming one person’s job?

   This is the invisible work: noticing, restocking, remembering. It counts as a chore.

7. 17

   Is laundry a team sport or a solo one? And do you fold, or live out of the basket?

8. 18

   When one of us is slipping on their share, how should the other bring it up? What words work for you?

9. 19

   On a brutal week at work, does the other person pick up the slack, or do the chores just wait?

10. 20

    Would we pay for a cleaner, even once a month, and is that worth it to both of us?

Two people, one place, and at least one armchair someone loves more than is reasonable. Decide whose things come, where each of you gets to be alone, and who has a say in the decor.

1. 21

   Whose furniture comes with us, and what are you quietly hoping I’ll leave behind?

   Two toasters, two couches, two of everything. Decide now which ones go.

2. 22

   What’s the one thing you own that’s coming with you, no matter what?

3. 23

   If one of us is moving into the other’s place, what would help it feel like ours instead of yours?

4. 24

   Do you need a spot that’s just yours, even if it’s a desk, a corner or one shelf?

5. 25

   When our tastes don’t match, how do we decide on decor: veto power, taking turns, or one room each?

6. 26

   What’s your clutter limit: clear counters, or a little chaos that proves people live here?

7. 27

   Shoes on or off? Which house rules from growing up would you like to bring along?

8. 28

   How are we splitting the closet, the bathroom counter and the good side of the bed?

9. 29

   If one of us works from home, who gets the quiet spot, and when is it off limits?

10. 30

    Pets: is anyone bringing one, is anyone allergic, and is the bed a pet-free zone?

You know each other on date nights and weekends. Living together adds alarms, bedtimes and someone loading the dishwasher at 11pm. Compare your rhythms before they collide.

1. 31

   Walk me through your perfect weekday morning. Where will our mornings bump into each other?

2. 32

   What counts as “late” for you on a work night?

3. 33

   How many snoozes is normal for you? Honest answer. I’m going to find out anyway.

4. 34

   Do you need some quiet time when you get home, or do you want to talk right away?

   Some people need twenty quiet minutes before they’re good company. That isn’t rejection. It’s a battery.

5. 35

   Do we go to bed at the same time, or does whoever’s tired go first?

6. 36

   Silence, white noise, a podcast or the TV: what do you need to fall asleep?

7. 37

   Phones in bed, a TV in the bedroom, or a screen-free zone?

8. 38

   If one of us snores, steals the covers or runs hot, what are our options? Are separate blankets on the table?

9. 39

   How many nights a week do you picture us cooking, and how many ordering in?

10. 40

    What does a lazy Sunday look like to you: brunch out, or not leaving the couch until 3pm?

Your place is about to become somewhere other people want to be. Agree on your open-door policy before someone shows up with a suitcase.

1. 41

   How much notice do you want before a friend comes over: a day, an hour, or is dropping by fine?

2. 42

   How long can a guest stay before it’s too long: one night, a weekend, a week?

3. 43

   When family visits from out of town, do they stay with us, or is that what hotels are for?

4. 44

   Holidays: how do we split them between our families now that we share an address?

   Try a simple rotation for the first year, then revisit it.

5. 45

   If a parent has opinions about our place, or about us, who handles it? You with yours, me with mine?

6. 46

   What do we share with family about our money, plans or arguments, and what stays between us?

7. 47

   Who gets a spare key: a parent, a friend, a neighbor, nobody?

8. 48

   Are friends welcome to crash after a night out? Does that change on a work night?

9. 49

   Do you see us as hosts, with dinners and game nights, or the go-out-and-come-home type?

10. 50

    How do we keep time apart, like friend nights and hobbies, so living together doesn’t mean doing everything together?

Nobody moves in expecting things to go wrong, which is exactly why these are easier to answer now. Think of them as a spare key: you’ll probably never need the answers, and you’ll be glad they’re there.

1. 51

   What does moving in mean to you: a step toward engagement, a trial run, or just the obvious next thing? What if we see it differently?

2. 52

   If one of us loses a job or takes a pay cut, how does the split change, and for how long?

3. 53

   If one of us gets an offer in another city, how do we decide what happens next?

4. 54

   If one of us gets sick or hurt, what kind of looking after do you want, and what would drive you up the wall?

5. 55

   If a family member or friend needs a place to stay for a while, is our door open? For how long?

6. 56

   What if living together shows us a habit we really can’t stand? How do you want to hear about it?

7. 57

   If we hate the place after three months, are we the type to break the lease or ride it out?

8. 58

   If we break up, who stays, and how long does the other person get to find somewhere new?

   Awkward to ask, kind to have answered.

9. 59

   How do we divide the things we bought together if we ever go separate ways?

10. 60

    When should we check in on how it’s going: after the first month, at three months, or before the lease renews?

    Put it in the calendar. A check-in you planned is easier than one you suddenly need.

Questions about this list